The Weeknd’s Personal Online Journal from 2009
Below are stories Abel has written .They sound like fictions adventures mixed with a hidden truths from his own life. Source
(August 12, 2009)
The midnight moon lights up the dark halls of the old hospital beside the Field of the Dead. The howls of the wolf wake them, like the crow of the rooster wakes us. As one soul leaves our world another enters, adding another pawn to God’s twisted game of chess. The heat of the institute goes battle with the February chill, fighting to keep the newcomers safe from the winter virus. But one innocent has already endured one. This virus does not come from the freeze of Mother Nature, but the nature of a playful mother in the dangerous game of Lust.
It urges our every sense, giving us ample ideas to expose our inner feelings. It disguises itself in “Love”, testing our ignorance. Only the wise understand it’s devilish schemes, going to battle with it in the ultimate war of emotions. The sinful act is a game we all play during a time of our life, but every game has rules. One simple rule, helping us defeat the virus that Lust has to offer. Like a cheater who can’t take loss, Lust will do whatever it can to aid the human mind away from this rule. The ignorant does not know the consequences of not playing safe, as Lust looks back at the defeated ones and laughs in their bewildered faces.
Because a certain player did not play safe in the game, her soul haunts the Field of the Dead as she listens to her baby scream. Not only has she doomed herself, but doomed the ones around her, especially the child she once carried. The hospital doors stay closed as the soul of the doomed one enters without hesitation. She feels cold as the heat of the institute bounces off her pale body. The haunting scream of the contaminated child brings chills to the spine, crying for her nurturer. As her spiritual footsteps get louder and louder, the child screams less, as if she feels her mother get closer. The soul looks at her beautiful diseased child and cries as she tries to hold her, but the wrath of God makes it impossible. A smile slowly arouses from the baby as she stares at the mother she will never have. The soul does not cry because she cannot hold her only child, she cries because the child has no idea of what the future has to offer her. The hell she will go through, the battle she will fight and the death she will receive. Ignorance is bliss.
August 11, 2009
Jesus Christ. Today was going to be a long day. Even before I saw the ridiculous line outside my shop of over weight men in child costumes and skinny nerds inhaling their puffers, I knew I would need a joint to start my day. Covering my face with the morning news paper, I walked by the virgin line up and headed behind the store. Nothing was better then the first of many joints early in the morning. Wake and bake, they’d call it. As I walked towards the door with the keys in my hand, I felt the whole line up staring at me as if they were undressing me with their eyes.
“About fucking time.” One man said.
I had never been so repulsed by love handles until that very moment. I knew right away that when i put that key through the keyhole, i would be walking into a point of no return.
It was like a stampede. As if someone had shot celery out of a shot gun and twenty fat antelope had reacted.
“Where’s Captain Neptune?” One of the antelope said.
It was like the Twilight Zone when i said… “They haven’t arrived yet.”
They all stared at me in disbelief. I believe one even started crying. It was great. I knew this moment was going to come. Someone had told all these losers that the first issue of the popular Captain Neptune and Squid Cadet would be at the Comic Zone this morning. I mean it’s not like it was a lie. I had gotten all the copies last night, and they were in the back…but i wanted to have a little fun.
“This is a catastrophe of biblical proportions.” One nerd said to me as i felt the spit from his retainers in my eyes.
“Look, I haven’t gotten them yet. I should be getting them tomorrow. But after tomorrow they won’t be just up on the shelves for your little boring selves to worship. Oh no, i will be selling ONE copy every morning, and who ever gets here first will receive it.”
It was like music to my ears listening to all of them complaining as they slowly walked out of my shop.
What I failed to mention was that the copies had come with a special edition version which I was going to keep and sell a la black market. 500 dollars…that’s right.
It was a matter of time before Reggie came and we smoked pot all day in the back watching bootleg movies and listening to Wu-Tang. This was my life and how I got to where I am now will always be a mystery. I guess it wasn’t that bad, I mean I had my own place with Reggie and we did what ever we wanted whenever we wanted. I mean until I met Isabel, who made me want more in life before we broke up. But after the break up I knew that this would be how I died. With twenty something of the same ugly customers worshiping what I sold. Well almost all of them were ugly. I mean don’t get me wrong I’m not gay, it was just that there was a girl in that group…that didn’t seem so eager to leave?
“Didn’t you get the memo?”
When she looked at me, I could have sworn time had stopped for a split second.
“Yeah, I was just looking around for something else I guess.” She said.
“You don’t really look like the type that’d be interested in this shit.” I said as charming as possible.
“Why cause I’m a girl?.” She smurked.
“No because your a very hot girl, I’m just not used to seeing such clear skin in this shop, it’s quite overwhelming.”
It was great making another girl laugh instead of Isabel.
“Well your right.” She said. “I was looking for that new comic book for my little brother. It’s his birthday tomorrow.”
If there was a more perfect time to get a date with an angel, I had yet to see it. Taking her to the back and showing her the book that a lot worshiped more then the bible was one of the coolest feelings ever. I don’t even remember the last time I got a girls number, let alone asked a girl out. Maybe this was the turning point in my life. Maybe she was my new Isabel…which sounded fucked, but Isabel was great. It seemed Emily would be greater though and I wasn’t going to hesitate to find out.
As an angel left my store, a demon came in. Quentin Goldman. If there ever was a devil, Quentin would have been his bitch. His braces covered his fangs and his acne would get more red the angrier he got. He would slit any nerd’s throat to get the comic book he wanted. Okay, maybe I was overreacting…but the dude had problems.
“They never arrived Quentin.” I sad right away.
Observing his surroundings like he owned the place, he said. “Oh Charles, I thought you knew me by now.”
His confidence was not surprising…yet he could smell my bluff a mile away.
“Not only did I see that specimen of a woman walk out with it…but I was doing my usual spying outside the shop last night and witnessed the box come in, so don’t play me like a fool. Fortunately I did not come for Issue #1 alone.”
I knew what the little devil wanted before he even asked.
“You know exactly what I want Charles, I don’t have to ask.”
He wanted the special edition with Princess Tara showing her breasts. If any of those nerds found out about Princess Tara’s nude chest the store would have been a massacre.
“If you don’t want me to tell the rest of the jack offs about your little special edition, I would sell it to me fair and square…right now. And believe me when I say I have the money.”
Softly I said; “one…thousand…dollars”
The acne got more red then I had ever seen before.
“That’s an outrage and you know it. You’re ripping me off.”
I stared in his evil little eyes through his thick goggle like glasses and whispered; “one…thousand…dollars.”
He looked at me in rage, but it slowly faded into a sadistic smile.
“You haven’t heard the last of me comic book man, I will get what i desire.”
And just like that he left my store, taking his dark cloud with him.
As a demon left my store, a close friend walked in, and with him a bag of happiness. Reggie had made his famous goodies.
After every bite, everything mattered less. As the hours went by, the further away from reality i had gotten. Yet all I could think about was my date with Isabel… I mean Emily. This time I wasn’t going to screw up. This time I was going to be the best I can be. I would not make the same mistake as I did with Isabel. Before I knew it, the sun had gone to sleep and the moon had come out. Reggie was so high he walked into the door on his way out. His eyes were as red as Liza Minelli’s ass. It was great. A great way to close the shop.
I was always last to leave the store, and by the time i closed up Reggie would be home passed out on the sofa, with Grey’s Anatomy on. Outside was pitch black except a single pole light infront of the store. I had the funny feeling someone was watching me. As soon as I turned around, it was staring at me.
I couldn’t believe my baked eyes. He talked to me.
“Give me the special edition, and no one will get hurt.”
As I stared at him, I thought to myself.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
It was Quentin Goldman…dressed as the masked hero himself.
“Quentin you are officially the weirdest kid I’ve ever seen.”
“Give me the book, and i’ll let your lady friend go.” He said.
Behind him was a car and when he opened the door and pulled out Emily tied up and taped to the mouth I couldn’t think. Before I knew it I was ontop of the little nerd and beating him senseless.
“Stop, stop, Charlie…it hurts, I’m sorry!” He screamed.
I didn’t stop.
Why did I stop? Because the second time, it wasnt him screaming “stop”. It was Isabel… I mean Emily? Free from her binds and nots, and taped mouth. Maybe I was tripping out. “Stop your hurting him.”
I got off the twirp and yelled.”What the fuck is going on?”
With a bloody nose, and swollen eye, Quentin explained that he had paid his older sister to pretend that she wanted to get a copy of Captain Neptune for her brother. Because she was so attractive he knew that I couldn’t resist, and would take her to the back and get her a free copy. There she witnessed the special edition and gave him the headsup that I defenitly had it, and tried to make me give it up by pretending to kidnap her. I banned him from the store ofcoarse, and obviously didn’t get a date with Emily…if that was even her real name.
I guess the day sucked. The worse part was, it made me realize how much I missed Isabel…and that she was the only one for me.
Isabel, what I’d do for you. If it had been you Quentin had “kidnapped”…I might have been in jail right now. I guess she was my Captain Neptune …….in totally none gay kind of way.
The Night Before This Morning
August 10, 2009
The light burns my eyes. Concentrating I realize that I am indeed in a washroom, staring at my shaded eye lids. The fact that I can’t remember what I did last night, and how i got to where i am right now proves that i am indeed hungover. Yet I feel no sharp pain in my head, or an uneasy rumble in my stomach. It’s not that I’m complaining about a pain I should be feeling as if i want to, like some sort of masochistic drunk, but it does strike me as strange that I feel better then i ever felt before. As if… as if i had been reborn into a new man. A man that has never smoked a cigarette in his life. A man without flaws or negativity within. Like a virgin I feel… I feel brand new. But i am indeed a man. And when a man cannot remember what he did the night before, he is anything but flawless.
When I last checked, the water from the sink was cold in my hand. Yet it feels warm between my teeth and on my tongue. And when I last checked, the water from the sink was clear, not dark. Looking at the painted sink, my eyes tell my heart to beat as hard as it can. Like a class picture, I grin at myself. Had I gotten into a fight? I don’t feel any pain. I have all my teeth. No cuts on my cheeks. I never had a problem with the taste of blood. I usually would suck the blood from my finger when i would get paper cuts. It didn’t taste good, but it didn’t bother me. Yet this blood… this blood was funny. Not only was i uncomfortable about tasting mysterious blood in my mouth, without there being any signs of cuts, but it just didn’t taste…like the blood I would suck from my finger after a paper cut. I guess I was too caught up in my own personal dilemma, because I should have known right away that…this isn’t exactly my washroom. Birth Control Sponges in the cupboard? This is definitely not my washroom.
I feel a chill. I mean this was of coarse a mystifying scenario, but the chill came from another cause. Looking down I realize that i am naked. And from the embarrassing size of my member, I was freezing. Where the hell are my clothes? Did I have sex last night? And why was I completely naked? I mean I don’t wear a shirt during sex but i do wear socks. I never take off my socks. But they are indeed off.
The dawn light shines the hallway. As I hold my member, I try to recognize the pictures on the wall and by the look of my surrounding I was undoubtably in an apartment. A picture of a man hugging an attractive women catches my eye. It was a wedding picture. Something about the picture was familiar. Did I know them? I can’t quite say…Wait. Yes I do. Well the woman anyway. How do i know her?
Nice looking living room, by the size of this apartment I would say newly weds. Something catches my eye. If there was anything that i was sure of, it was what I was looking at. But it didn’t make sense. Why was my work clothes on the floor…ripped up? I definitely got into a fight…but by the look of my plumber outfit, it seems that I lost. Like someone had ripped me out of my suit. I hadn’t been this creeped out since…
My stomach hurts. I think I’m going to be sick.
I hadn’t been in this situation since I was six years old. All i remember was that I blacked out and when I woke up the next morning…I was naked and…Sparky was dead. Sparky was the greatest dog in the world…No one could find the killer until doctors had diagnosed me with split personality. There was blood all over me. I had been convinced that I had killed Sparky, until the vet told the family that Sparky was attacked by another animal…and that my guilt shouldn’t eat me up.
So then why is my guilt taking a bite out of me like I’m some sort of pie? Should I call the police? Should I call Markus? As i walk to the phone, i feel warmth between my toes. Looking down I realize i am stepping in what seems to be a liquid trail, leading to a room. The closer I get to the room, the smaller the hallway gets. In front of the room, the liquid oozes out from under the door. Touching the knob all I could see was Sparky’s dismembered body and bloody marks. Why? Why did i have to open this door? Why shouldn’t i just take some clothes from a closet, and walk out like nothing ever happened. Well to my surprise I did. I didn’t want to know what was behind that door, and I never will.
A noise makes me jump as I close the apartment door. It was the sound of an old man. A neighbor getting ready for a walk. “That’s not the clothes you wen’t in with.”
I respond in confusion. “Excuse Me?”
“Don’t feel special though, she get’s a different man in her bed everyweek. Poor husband, doesn’t have a clue.” He says.
“I guess not”
“It seems like you guys had a hell of a good time, no one made her scream like you did” He says.
As I walk down the building stairs, i think to myself…
“And no one ever will”